Self-Disclosure

Self- Disclosure: An Avenue to Feelings and Better Communication

Imagine in our scenario, listed in lesson 2, if John he had been more self-disclosing. Self-disclosure is defined as sharing with someone in the present moment how you are thinking, feeling, or reacting.

John could have said” Whoops! I was not watching where I was going.” No apology would have been necessary and we might have understood.

Not all topics involving feelings are difficult to express or to talk about. The disclosure that we are using is self-disclosure that allows our listener to know more about how we feel about ourselves or to know more about how someone is affecting us. When John stated that he was sorry for bumping in to the person, he did not tell us anything about himself and we ended up inferring what he was really like.

Suppose the person he bumped really wanted to give John feedback. The person might have thought that he/she was doing that when he/she might have said: “No, I do not accept your apology or “Watch where you are going." In either case, neither person would have been providing any self-disclosure.

We are more likely to communicate better when we: ( 1) avoid evaluative and interpretative response, (2) use declaring behavior, and (3) stick with I-statements that reveal something about ourselves rather than merely describe the other person’s behavior.

With this in mind, perhaps, John could have further stated: “I was absorbed in thought as I was rushing to class and I feel embarrassed that I bumped you.” The person might have just as easily replied: “ I felt surprised when you bumped me, but I too was not paying attention and feel frustrated that I did not move out of your way also.”

Extra Credit

You may find it interesting for the next several days or so to pay close attention to how people talk when interacting with you. Note what their conversations focus on. How often do you hear self-revealing statements” How do you feel about those who are able to disclose themselves to you? Experiment with self-disclosure. When you reveal your inner self to a friend or a loved one, report how the relationship is affected with your new learned skill.

Type a paragraph and report your experience to class or email your paper to your instructor.