Self-DWhat is self-disclosure?isclosure:  An Avenue to Feelings and Better Communication[4]

Not all topics involving feelings are difficult to talk about. How many of us, I wonder, have had someone say to us, “I want to be perfectly honest with you”? What this means, more often than not, is that he or she wants to be perfectly honest about us or another person, rather than about him- or herself. Consider, for example, the conversational pattern of several people you talk with rather frequently. Whom do they talk about? Themselves? Others? What is the usual focus of their communication? To what extent would you say that the following scale, suggested by psychologist David Johnson[1] (presented below in a somewhat modified form), reflects the way in which most people, including you, deal with feelings?

It is much easier to talk about others with a kind of “back-there-and-then” focus than it is to talk about ourselves with a more focused “here-and-now” emphasis. Showing some of yourself to another person, exhibiting some of your own feelings and attitudes about yourself and the other person, is not easy to do. It is generally both easier and safer for me to tell you how Kendall felt about Kim (back-there-and-then), than it is for me to tell you my present feelings about you or, more revealing, my present feelings about myself. Self-disclosure and honesty require courage. Not merely the courage to be, as theologian Paul Tillich[2] eloquently described it, but the courage to be known, to be perceived by others as we know ourselves to be. Sidney Jourard, whose self-disclosure research opened new doors to understanding interpersonal communication, has given us fresh insights into why self-disclosure can be a risky business. Why risky? Well, as Jourard put it”... you expose yourself not only to a lover’s balm, but to the hater’s bombs! When he knows you, he knows just where to plant them for maximum.[3]

    Least Self-Revealing                                                                                     Least Difficult to Discuss                                         

1.I tell you how Kendall felt about Kim, neither person being present.

2.I tell you how Kendall feels about Kim, neither person being present.

3.I tell you my past feelings about Jim, who is not present.

4.I tell you my present feelings about Jim, who is not present.

5.I tell you my past feelings about you.

6.I tell you my present feelings about you.

7.I tell you my past feelings about myself.

8.I tell you my present feelings about myself.

Most Self-Revealing                                                                                        Most Difficult to Discuss